Set It Free!

Set It Free!

I am typing one-handed this morning, while soaking my left index finger to remove a splinter, so this'll be brief. I have seen the light. It took me until this, my 64th year, to figure out that the proper way-nay, the only way-to remove a sliver is to soak it in hot water, until you set it free.

How about a fresh blade?
Let's keep this black & white.

Gone is the “Attack!” mode, as in grabbing a utility knife (and a pristine blade) to slice an inch-and-an-eighth incision down the length of a chunk of plywood, lodged in my right thigh. This was no sliver. It was a spear. But I could not go home without dragging the crew off the site, so I took care of business.

Like battling colds, which I do with vast quantities of tea, Vitamin C and echinacea, I have always taken a hard-line approach with splinters, especially in the eight years I worked in the trades, prior to teaching. Like having a tick in me, I hate it.

It becomes obsession and the results are sometimes ugly. I can do a lot of damage with a needle. Mama always, always, insisted I soak it, correctly informing me that the hot water would take it out if I soaked it long enough.

That’s a mighty big “if” for a manic.

Then a couple of months ago, during a period of uncommon lucidity, I snagged the mother of all slivers, not in terms of length, but in terms of gnarly-being buried in the murky depths of a key finger. It hurt fiercely, unlike most which just wait until it’s been in a few days to sound the alarm.

So I figured I would do some preliminary soaking before going to battle. I soaked it while reading and just kept freshening the water. Miraculously, after an eternity, the sucker literally popped out, without my ever assaulting the finger with a sword. Why I was so astounded, I do not know.

Mama said it would work if I just kept soaking it in hot water.

The hotter, the better. 

Until it pops out. 

No needle really required. 

Freshen that hot water. 

What’s the best way?

What’s next to me?

Wood-burning Superior stove.

Where is the water?

Sitting on the stove.

Is it hot enough?

If not, just wait.

And add more wood.

Better pass the bong.

I won't need tweezers...

Anyone got a fork?