Being Papi

Grandparents come in all shapes and sizes, the better to fit within the confines of their grandchildren’s lives. When I have the opportunity to spend time with my grandson, Ollie Mac, I offer this child my undivided attention. 

Being still a few scant weeks shy of one year of age, Ollie Mac seems pretty far away when I am standing right next to him, so I get down to his level. I’m not talking about all fours, I’m talking about being sprawled out on the floor on my side so that my head, when slightly raised, is about level with his.

I find it the most direct route to Ollie Mac.

I’m not there to twiddle my thumbs on electrical devices, though I very well may have some reggae/classical/rock music going softly on Pandora in the background. I’m not there to watch TV or scroll on face/book. I'm not even there to babysit, as though I were once again being paid fifty cents an hour to watch tv, while kids slept and their parents went out for the evening.

I am there to accompany Ollie Mac on his rounds, and to provide possible avenues of entertainment such as his xylophone, bongo drums or things with jingly bells, or his books, balls, blocks or animals that suddenly talk when I have them in my hands.

We had a first class block party last week, with those different shaped blocks, and there are balls of all sizes, praise be. In fact it was that giant one which was instrumental in helping Ollie Mac get his walking shoes on-just like that. One visit he was hanging on to anything and making moves; the next he was walking like the pro from Dover.

That’s one of the main reasons why I don’t try to do anything else when I am with Ollie. I want him to know that he is tops on my list when I am there or he is visiting us here. He needs to know that he does not come in second place in my world, when we spend time together.

That way, when I talk to him of things that matter, he will know that these things deserve his undivided attention. If I went about this business in a lackadaisical manner, then he would be justified doing the same. However, turn about is fair play; if I give him my attention, I believe he will give me his.

There are many folks out in this world who have not received proper (or maybe adequate) education in things that matter most. There is integrity, honor, reverence for life and respect, to name a few. There is respect for women, for the earth, for oneself and believe it or not, children need guidance and direct instruction in these matters, as well as having it modeled for them.

Kids need boundaries that are reasonable and enforced, and kids need to know that the adults in their lives have the time and inclination to discipline them properly. I would never presume to tell my sons and daughters-in-law, how to discipline their kids, but I would also never dare inflict any sort of discipline on Ollie Mac that involved anything other than words, time-outs and attention, to address inappropriate behavior.

GlutenFreeMama and I did not resort to spanking when we were raising three sons because there were too many other more appropriate means of guiding them, and we used many of them. Hauling, stacking and bringing in firewood fit the bill quite well, as did sweeping and mopping floors and weeding in the tomato garden.

There are too many tools of this nature for country lads to stray too far off the path of harmony. To create dissension within the ranks, so to speak, was to create your own immediate destiny, as to how you spent your free time.

When it comes to the really important things in life, like the Giants, you don’t even have to teach that stuff; you just have to live, breathe and exist, for the love of the Orange and Black to become imbued within the soul of an impressionable young boy.

What you can do is teach him that winning is not the point of following baseball; enjoying the game and its players is the point. When the Giants win, Ollie Mac will find that it’s OK to be as giddy as a schoolboy, to quote Dickens, and when they lose, why should he care? He’s going to have to get up and go to school or to work in the morning one way or the other.

It’s a teachable concept.

One thing I was always good at is answering questions. Go ahead, Kid, ask me a question, but be careful. I will give you a straight answer. I will not evade your questions because they might be embarrassing; I will not brush aside your question as being too nosy, until I at least explain what is OK and what is not OK to ask anyone. How is he supposed to know, otherwise?

If my view on something is different from Ollie Mac’s parents, I will be careful to explain that not all adults are going to agree on some issues. Furthermore, all of us must have respect for what the rules of the household are, and the rules of the household are not set in place by grandparents. I must follow them too.

All I can do is be Papi.

Gluten-Free Mama and Ollie Mac