Well-Equipped

I put on my lead sandals yesterday, and drove down to Ukiah with Gluten-Free Mama and Ellie Mae, the dog. This is not a misprint and no, there were no weapons pointing at my head to encourage my cooperation. A hostage to my own hobbies, I needed to get to Ukiah to buy a replacement camera for the Canon SX610H that has served me so well, may it rest in peace.

Though I only managed to snap 19,416 photos over the past 22 months, give or take, I still feel I got my money’s worth. Unfortunately, my camera had a date with destiny, or the laundry room floor, I forget which, and now focuses as well as I do, long about 6:30 in the evening, after having been up for eighteen hours.

I suppose there is an outside chance that the peculiar angle at which the extended camera lens is situated, could be the cause of the out-of-focus photos, but what do I know? At least there isn’t creek water draining out of it, so I am diversifying my talents.

Complete with shutter permanently stuck open...

Prior to springing for the Canon, an upgrade of significant proportions over the little Samsung with which I began my photographic career, I was perfectly content with the quality of my work. As I have intoned incessantly, I have merely to stagger outside the front door, to have access to some of the most beautiful country in California.

Images from the ugliest day in history up here, are still immeasurably better than my own efforts at art. 

That I know nothing about the inner workings of my camera, is significant, because the photos I take are strictly point and shoot. Needless to say, there are more options to tinker with than the dashboard of a commercial jet airliner, but when I accidentally push the wrong button, and the camera wigs out, I just shut it down and remove the battery. This simple act puts me back to where I want to be-blissfully blind to the bucket seats and four-on-the-floor, with which my camera is well-equipped.

I pulled up out in front of Triple S Camera Shop in downtown Ukiah, and scurried through the front door. Greeting the saleswoman behind the counter, I plunked down my old Canon on the counter and announced, “I need to replace this camera. That being said, my shopping experience would be significantly enhanced if I could make use of your facilities. I have come a great distance.”

She gave me directions to the restrooms in the Visitor’s Center next door, and when I returned, Jill, the owner of Triple S was there to wait on me. I remembered her from the last time I had been there, when the initial upgrade from Samsung to Canon had occurred.

I had informed her then that I wanted to upscale my camera, but that I did not want a bulky, cumbersome affair. My experience has always been that the bigger they are, the harder they fall. Jill had presented me with the model that I have used ever since, so I tried the same approach again, yesterday.

Indeed, there WAS an upgrade, from the SX610H to the SX620H, and the price was no different than it had been two years ago. Together with all of the accoutrements, I was just shy of five hundred bones, but that included a 128GB memory card, speaking of wanting to take another 19,416 pics in the next 22 months.

As the transaction came to a conclusion, both of us were far happier on an early Monday morning than folks have a right to be. I could not help mentioning to her how much I appreciated an alternative for camera shopping, than Wal-Fart, a corporate entity which repulses me beyond my ability to describe.

Hey, corporate conglomerates are fine for TP and hair shampoo, but if I am going to pay to play, I’d rather pony up to the counter at Triple S, and hand the owner of a small business my hard-earned loot, than go through the turnstiles at The Wally. Even if I manage to survive the W experience, intact, I still suffer from nightmares for weeks afterward. 

These nocturnal flashbacks are induced by being forced to witness people dressed for success, in the latest of styles, viewed only from within the walls of Wal-Fart, and only with parental discretion. Believe me, I’m 65 and there’s no way my mother would ever give her approval, were she still here to do so.

At Triple S Camera Shop, I was the only customer, and it felt good to brighten up Jill’s day; it just isn’t the same thing to hand over your loot to the cashiers at The Wally. It’s not their fault-they can’t help the way corporate conglomerates dress them in the morning.

I am hard on cameras. If I am not nudging them off of the top step of the ladder, I am dropping them in the creek. I have no idea why this keeps occurring, and those who are snickering in the background, can keep their sarcastic comments to themselves. No one likes a weisenheimer and besides, all medicine has side effects, and cannabis is no exception.

I say, “Viva la side effects, and let’s order us a pepperoni pizza, with mushrooms. Do you suppose they would deliver it up here on Bell Springs Road?”