The Do-Tell Motel

The Do-Tell Motel

You know you might just be getting old if:

…today’s music seems unpalatable, making you a fuddy-duddy-OR- today’s music is awesome, meaning that you are going through your “second childhood.” Yes, either way you lose.

Second adolescent-stage for me...

…you have figured out that it’s smarter to keep you mouth shut, and have folks think you are a doddering old fool, than to open it, and prove them correct.

…a trip to the gym to work out, is actually code for “I need to take the car to the car-wash….”

…“been around the block a time or two” has nothing to do with parallel-parking.

…a night out on the town means a trip to Denny’s for hot fudge sundaes.

… hot and heavy refers to your woolies and not your sex life.

…the checked shirt you are wearing, seems right at home with the striped pants you have on.

…you stop worrying about your socks matching because you stopped wearing socks…

…a trip to Ukiah involves careful planning, based on the availability of restrooms in different establishments.

…you now keep your glasses on full-time because you found it impossible to keep track of them otherwise.

…you can’t help wondering why your ear and nose hair seem to grow at double the rate of the hair anywhere else on your body.

…you have to consult the seating chart at AT&T Park when you order tickets, to make sure your seats are within spitting distance of the bathrooms.

…you buy the same-sized ribeye steak you always have, but divide it into two pieces, half for dinner and half for breakfast the next morning.

…a plate of hash browns, a three-egg chili omelet and two pieces of sourdough toast now seems like enough food for two people, instead of being the norm for a working Joe.

…the kid bagging your groceries at Safeway asks you if you need help out with your bags.

…you walk into the kitchen to get something, forget what it was you were looking for, but grab something anyway, so as not to have made a trip for nothing. [Later, when you remember what it was you were originally looking for, you can also return the object you grabbed as an afterthought, a twofer if ever there were one.]

…if your kids actually seem to be functioning adults instead of juvenile delinquents.

Three little miscreants, if ever there were...

…going on vacation means either an overnight trip to Westport, or a weekend in Eureka.

…you wake up every morning with a smile on your face, until you actually try to get up.

…seeing your grandfather’s face in the mirror no longer freaks you out.

…going to a family reunion, means you are no longer expected to actually remember anyone’s name.

…you have long since substituted Irish whiskey for beer, because it’s much more practical later on, when you hit the sack and don’t have to get up every fifteen minutes to hit the head.

…there is no longer enough room on your birthday cake for 64 candles.

…you can remember names and dates from forty years ago with crystal clear detail, but can’t remember who it was that borrowed your cement trowels last fall.

…the “no-tell” motel becomes the “Do-tell!” motel.

…you no longer think there’s even the remotest of possibilities, that you will somehow end up playing pro baseball.

…the kid getting into the driver’s side of that pickup truck, looks as though he is in middle school.

…your selection of wardrobe, on any given day, is so outrageous, that it actually comes across as stylin’.

…you can’t help but notice that a man you wouldn’t trust to pump your septic tank, is the Republican Party’s top choice for President of the United States.

Would you trust THIS man???

…you stop worrying about offending others, because almost anything you say is likely to suffice.

Feel free to add your own definition…