Dozer, the bulldog

Dozer, the bulldog
Dozer: Spring training is upon us!

Backstage at Reggae on the River, 2017...

Backstage at Reggae on the River, 2017...
The author of Mark's Work

Hollyhocks

Hollyhocks
Why I grow flowers

HappyDay Farms bees are happy bees.

HappyDay Farms bees are happy bees.
Air-borne bees

HeadSodBuster and BossLady at the coast

HeadSodBuster and BossLady at the coast
Love is the greatest power.

Beauty abounds!

Beauty abounds!
Crossing the Eel River at French's Camp

If you've seen one butterfly, you've seen 'em all, said no one ever.

If you've seen one butterfly,  you've seen 'em all, said no one ever.
Butter in the fly...

July Jewels

July Jewels
Bees to the Kingdom

My souvenir from Reggae on the River, 2017

My souvenir from Reggae on the River, 2017
Something I have always wanted...

Mahlon Masling Blue

Mahlon Masling Blue
My friend and brother.

Mark's E-mail address

bellspringsmark@gmail.com

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Whirligig

Whirligig
This phenomena of end-of-the-year assessment is new to me.  I have not made resolutions since I was a kid, and though I am a maker of lists, I do not restrict my list-making to New Years Day.  I have also gone on record as being one who writes for the sake of writing, without tailoring my writing to a specific audience.
However, I cannot help be influenced by what I read at other blog sites, especially when I feel that I am the one who is out of step.  Honestly, I am a very steady individual.  I have had five careers, but only five jobs, one per career.  I have only applied for two jobs in my life and obtained them both.  I have never “lost” a job; I lived seventeen years at Fellowship Street, in SoCal, and thirty years here in this house on our ridge top, in Northern California.  I am not a flighty sort of fellow.
However, I have undergone a profound metamorphosis in the past eighteen months, a Bildungsroman [German: “formation novel”] of sorts, a literary term which refers to the “growing up or coming of age of a sensitive person who is looking for answers and experience.”  I have also broadened my social network to include my community of writers, and have read with great interest, perspectives that are different from mine, and quite fascinating.  Therefore, I have determined that in order to fit in, in a non-threatening way, I need a Word.
I was at S. Stauss’s site this morning, and her word is “tree.”  What she wrote so impressed me, that I decided I was in.  At that instant, when I made the mental shift to get on board, I pictured Feste, from Twelfth Night and the word that flashed across the TelePrompter in my mind said “whirligig.”
The second definition from my new Oxford American dictionary, of whirligig, a noun, is “a thing regarded as hectic, or constantly changing.”  By extension, “hectic” is defined as “full of incessant or frantic activity.”  Thus, I would define myself as a person who has undergone a radical transformation, and who is frantic to continue my unexpected odyssey.  I have noted that my transformation is emotional in nature, and has not affected any of my values, or my feelings about those around me, especially Annie.
I wrote out the sordid details in Six Days a Week, the piece of writing that detonated my explosive outpouring of words.  Freeing myself from forty-eight years of being held hostage to the presence of panic attacks, and the ensuing anxiety which pervades that malady, has produced a whirligig of frenetic action, which has consumed me for almost a year. 
Transformed from a low-key, staid individual, to a person who defines himself as fearless, I have only just managed to hang onto dear life during this unprecedented excursion.  Now, inspired by those around me, I want to try and not so much slow down the process, but rather, attempt to better control it, so that those around me can see that there is a method to my madness, and that I will begin to decelerate.
I saw Dr. Jill for seven visits initially, eighteen months ago, but there is more work to be done.  Who this whirligig is, that I have become, still remains to be seen.  A spinning top or pinwheel, or even merry-go-round, if you prefer, which is the first definition of whirligig, no longer applies, for I have stopped reeling.  But I am not yet a tree.  
My goal is to return to a competent therapist, both by myself, and together with Annie, immediately, so that I can lasso this whirligig once and for all, and operate with some degree of equanimity.  Otherwise, I will remain a tumbleweed rather than a tree.  And it’s hard for a tumbleweed to form roots and a foundation.  
So now I have a Word, and I have a list, with one item on it.  I’m ready for action-I’m ready for danger.  Thank you all for validating my ticket, in the parking lot of blogging.  I can now get though the exit gate, and onto the expressway, where the going is bound to be smoother.  Says so in the manual, page 12, paragraph 4, subsection W, for whirligig.

3 comments:

  1. This is wonderful. I understand the "whirligig" phenomenon and personally find it useful from time to time. I am not a staid person in many ways. I am truly touched that you cited my post as part of your inspiration. I wonder if I'll ever stop being amazed that people read my work and find something in it for themselves. It's such an honor. Wishing you many blessings in this new year of taming the whirligig!

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  2. The metaphor of the tree and the series of "I wants." Give credit, to yourself, S.Stauss, for a magical piece of writing.

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  3. All that stability set you up for the whirligig..... You walked the responsible, productive path for a long time and now you get to be responsive, productive, and ablaze with energy. As always, my little sister eyes are watching you XOXOXOXOXOX

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